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Possible
Grief Reactions in Children
Sadness and loneliness.
Denial: "He will come back."
Bodily distress: Tightness in throat or chest, loss of appetite, loss of
energy, stomachaches, sleeping problems, headaches, etc. Some may worry
that they have the same illness/disease that the person who died had.
Anger: A normal and healthy grief reaction. Anger needs to be expressed
in appropriate ways. Sometimes anger is directed at the person who died
("Why did you leave me?"), at others ("The driver of the
other car killed my dad."), at God, himself or herself.
Guilt: Children learn early that negative things happen when you are "naughty." Some
children may believe that they somehow "caused" the death of
a loved one because they misbehaved or because they argued with that person.
Children who may have resented the upcoming birth of a sibling may feel
responsible if the baby dies. They need constant reassurance that they are
not responsible for the death.
Depression: helplessness, lethargy, apathy, and withdrawal.
Assumption of characteristics or roles of the deceased: "Do I look
like Tommy?" "I'll take care of the family now that Daddy is
dead."
Idealization of the deceased: "Mommy was perfect." "Daddy
would have let me do this." "Joey was good at everything."
Anxiety and fear: afraid of being left alone, worrying they will get the
same illness as the person who died, possible fear of being hurt in the
same way their loved one was; if a parent drowned, they may be afraid to
go swimming.
Panic: "Who will take care of me now?" "What if something
happens to Mommy now?" "How will we get money to live?" Provide
children with the answers to these questions whenever possible. Some children
express fears about going to school and leaving a surviving parent alone.
Children need constant reassurance that they are loved and will not be abandoned.
School problems: It is not uncommon for children who are grieving to have
difficulty concentrating on schoolwork. Some "acting out" may
also occur as children attempt to deal with grief, especially anger. A counselor,
psychologist, or supportive teacher can be a great asset at this time.
Regression: Occasionally some children may regress to younger behavior
patterns such as thumb sucking and bed-wetting.
Text provided by:
Caring Connections
A Hope and Comfort in Grief Program
University of Utah Health Sciences Center
Caring Connections is sponsored in part by
The Ben B. and Iris M. Margolis
Foundation.
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